We were feeling sufficiently not well at the hotel today that we left and are in route back to OKC. Our mentor is no longer available to help guide us, and we’re apparently making a bunch of huge mistakes that are setting us back on our healing. That’s super discouraging!
We had that experience again today where Wesley was worse after hot tubbing than before. I was just pissed bc I asked a bunch of questions on the PMA FB group, some of which were answered and others weren’t, but the answers made it so clear how much we still need a mentor. I’m struggling with my anger today bc it seems like a crappy thing to convince someone to start on the wild goose chase to find good hotels and during that, give a 1 day notice that you’re no longer available for questions except the once a week question post on the FB Group. Our old mentor is taking applications to determine who he’ll be coaching in the future. I knew he was going to do this, but I surely didn’t expect to not be able to just start paying and continue having that support.
First I was angry and lost bc I didn’t know what to do- see the post two days ago. Then feeling like I could use old principles we were taught to go exploring and noticing toxins to learn how different toxins feel- see yesterdays post. I still don’t know what makes my face go numb and my shin ache. And then when learning that’s not what I’m supposed to do, today I’m really angry and feeling abandoned. When I ask questions on the question post, I feel like I’m not getting the quality of answers as I was when being mentored.
Earlier felt like a numb day as far as feeling how I physically feel. I think I was just too sulky emotionally to feel otherwise. I’m having to face my sinful heart with its ungratefulness and realizing I was I putting my hope in a man instead of Jesus. I’m choosing to be grateful for what I’ve been provided thus far, and hopefully we can build on this foundation to develop the skills we need. Someone once described MT like interlaced fingers on our FB Group, and that’s what it feels like. You drive feeling different levels of badness. Thankfully OKC has lots more pockets of better air than Amarillo. Tomorrow we’ll explore more in this area because I’m sure there’s quite a few decent places based on today.